it is like i havent been sleeping for ages. i slept till 1pm today, and continue sleeping by 4. my evening nap gives me the creeps. had a bad nightmare. real bad. the nap in the evening is actually to pull me out from reality for a certain period, too bad, the reality stucks with me until into my dreams. the nightmare, comes from a bad news.
after the sleep, even my heart felt the pain. not pain literally, but it is actual pain. quite worry at first, but after some time being awake, everything is back to normal. just that, there are some things wont be back to normal. i am trying to make myself back to my study mood after the nap, tried taking some happy-foods (means food which increase our endorphine level or produces serotonin, both are happy hormones in our human body i guess). drank milk, ate cheese cake. helps a little, at least i wont feel very very depress anymore. ok, besides eating, i needed someone to talk too. luckily i had this bestie..
well, everything seems to be back on track, until..... i walked the night market tonight. haix, why so... why i just cant think openly.. why i cant just let go of my jealousy.. why my thinking will just wander off to unhappy stuffs? why me? i know i should not be unhappy, i should not be jealous, i should not have such feelings, because we are friends now. i really want to let you go thoroughly, but i know i cant too. i am just too possessed with you. in other words, i love you. i am a jack-ass, an imbecile, should not be suffering my soul in this way, sorry to my soul.
as i told a friend in return, i told her, turn all your 'boh-songness' to study mood. finishing this blog, i will try my best to do so too..
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